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Last year, my brother was hit by a motorcycle. We were crossing the street and the light changed before we got to the other side and these guys on motorcycles just gunned their engines and one of them hit him. We are incredibly lucky, because my brother was completely unharmed. He fell on top of the motorcycle and it skidded sideways and started leaking fluid. I checked everything, took him inside for a hot drink, and then took him to a hospital so they could check him properly. But our initial observation proved to be correct - the vehicle took the damage. I could hardly believe that, in the space of less than a second, his whole life could have changed. Or ended. It's almost as hard to believe he had a head-on collision with a moving vehicle, and suffered no ill effects. We took precautionary measures for weeks afterwards, but as far as either of us knows, there was nothing to heal from. My brother is younger than me, and more optimistic. He took his good fortune more in stride than I did, because I thought I knew about accidents. And I do, but no two situations are exactly the same, and you have to adapt to the one you're in.
I wish this basic common sense for trauma were applied more to subjective experiences. There was a big argument on fandomsecret a few days ago about whether spanking your kids is abusive or not. A lot of people were against it. Many others were convinced that it hadn't harmed them at all, and was justified. I didn't participate, but I think that not everyone is traumatized by the same things. I believe the people who say they were damaged, and the people who say they weren't. They're different people. What I would take from this is that a child can be hurt this way, and hurt badly. Not that every child who ever experienced it was. I'm glad that some of the people who were spanked as kids didn't suffer long term effects from it, and others recovered and think they're stronger for it. Those are also valid responses to adversity. But if you wouldn't assume that falling off something high and not breaking bones puts you in a position to tell other, less fortunate people they aren't *really* injured, or that you're totally better than them because you got through the same thing unscathed, don't do that to people who speak up about corporal punishment. Or bullying. Or anything else. Emotional damage is not less real than physical damage, but neither of these things is distributed evenly. You cannot tell, just by hearing what someone has lived through, how they've been affected by it. And they have the right to self-define.
I wish this basic common sense for trauma were applied more to subjective experiences. There was a big argument on fandomsecret a few days ago about whether spanking your kids is abusive or not. A lot of people were against it. Many others were convinced that it hadn't harmed them at all, and was justified. I didn't participate, but I think that not everyone is traumatized by the same things. I believe the people who say they were damaged, and the people who say they weren't. They're different people. What I would take from this is that a child can be hurt this way, and hurt badly. Not that every child who ever experienced it was. I'm glad that some of the people who were spanked as kids didn't suffer long term effects from it, and others recovered and think they're stronger for it. Those are also valid responses to adversity. But if you wouldn't assume that falling off something high and not breaking bones puts you in a position to tell other, less fortunate people they aren't *really* injured, or that you're totally better than them because you got through the same thing unscathed, don't do that to people who speak up about corporal punishment. Or bullying. Or anything else. Emotional damage is not less real than physical damage, but neither of these things is distributed evenly. You cannot tell, just by hearing what someone has lived through, how they've been affected by it. And they have the right to self-define.
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