"In the weeks that followed, my mom used all kinds of emotional abuse to get me to stop criticizing her. [...]

One evening, when I was exhausted from arguing with her, I collapsed on the couch. She sat next to me and stroked my head, and told me I could trust her, and that she loved me, and that she hoped I’d get better, and said how she thinks I’m an awesome person.

It was like being cuddled after a nonconsensual BDSM session, as I told a friend a few days later. Had I not read a post on tumblr criticizing the lack of consent in Fifty Shades of Grey, I would not have recognized what my mom was doing that night.

Then I realized she’d done this all my life: attack, threaten, comfort. Hurt, and then flatter."
How a Logical Girl Talked Herself into Fundamentalism, Part 3

From a lovely blog that is probably well outside of the filter bubble of the rolequeer discussion. For a little context, there’s an initially shocking amount of kink/BDSM among the survivors of Fundamentalist homeschooling.

There has not been much criticism of the BDSM scene from the exhomeschoolers, although I don’t currently feel like that’s on their heads so much.

So let me start it now.

With the context of ubiquitous physical punishment and emotional abuse, it is perhaps not surprising that for many of the people who grew up in these environments gravitated to the BDSM subculture when they left. After all, we were used to a male dominated, seniority based authoritarian structure, with physical punishment, normalized abuse and so on. The right to chose our own jailers felt like freedom.

But the BDSM Scene is the exact same lie as the Fundimentalist homeschooler subculture we walked away from.


cool-yubari, you were homeschooled, right? Was it anything like this? If not, why not?


No. There’s overlap, but no.

I’ll try to summarize the personal parts, but this is going to get long. Read more )
I'm reading a professional guide in Spanish for voice actors and singers, and it has been so unexpectedly useful. I'm learning stuff I didn't even know how to look for. Even better, though, I'm finding out what to do about some old, unfortunate habits.

No one tells you how to talk unless you're unintelligible. Most people are proficient at it without being told. But unfortunately, because we picked up the skill intuitively, it's easy enough for external pressures to screw it up. And if they do, we don't know exactly what has changed or how to correct it. This happened to me. I bet this happens to plenty of people. I'm writing this post because I have a story to share, and some new information that may be useful to more than just me.

The crux of what I learned is this: the more you're projecting, the less well you can hear yourself. The less you're projecting, the more your voice vibrates the small bones in your inner ear and resonates inside your own head. Everyone else hears what comes out of your mouth. Unless you're standing right in front of a wall (and outside of theater exercises, no one does this) what you're hearing is the part of your voice that doesn't leave your mouth. That's why it sounds different. That's why typically, the first reaction people have to hearing a recording of their own voice is "I don't sound like that." The personal part: )