Click for context. )
[Addressing the OP directly because that’s how this post flowed.]

Here’s a shitty fact about straight society: there are a lot of things that don’t explicitly mean “do you wanna have sex with me?” that do, in fact, often mean “so, wanna have sex with me?” It’s confusing, I know. A lot of women turn down offers to do stuff that they wouldn’t actually be averse to doing, like … you know, meeting someone in a private place for coffee, because they have a diffuse sense of social discomfort that warns them they might not be hearing exactly what the other person is implying. And yes, straight men set up this dynamic, in order to make sexual offers to straight women and not be turned down directly.

When everyone’s on the same page, it sort of works. Like, “I turned down his offer to grab some coffee together after dinner, and we can both pretend he didn’t just covertly proposition me.” Or “I can agree to have coffee with him, and the rest of the room can pretend we didn’t just have a conversation about how we’re going back to his place to have sex.” It’s not fair of straight men to get their reaction to hearing their own secret codes used in a non-sexual way all over your fabulous gay self. That sucks.

I would be all in favor of said secret codes being a lot more publicly accessible, or abolished entirely, because it’s dangerous for, say, socially awkward or neuroatypical women (and everyone who didn’t grow up with English as their first language) to have to navigate a world where people are offering one thing and believe they’re obtaining consent for another. But it clearly also creates problems for you, as a gay man who wants to have literal coffee with man friends and keeps being misunderstood.

On those grounds as well, help us dismantle the patriarchy. :)

Tags: sexuality, feminism, consent, psychology
lol our society is so structured on binaries that people think cats are the opposite of dogs
--isitbatman

we also regard dogs as “masculine” and cats as “feminine” to the point that it’s “weird” for men to love cats, women and gay men are stereotyped as liking cats, and creepiest of all, cats are stereotyped as “sexy” animals
--bogleech

omg. whoa. this is so on point, and so weird, and so embedded that this NEVER occurred to me before.
--unquietpirate


Hah. This works in ways that I do not understand at all. Like … following the analogy to its (il)logical conclusion, men who are all about dogs and icked out by cats are acting very gay. Whereas, you’d expect a straight dude to have all the appreciation ever for cats, what with cats’ sensual mannerisms and socially promoted femininity-correlation. If you have a fetish for women, then naturally, all the ways that cats remind you of women should appeal to you.

I also think this conversations is incomplete without a hard look at how much dogs are also stereotyped as animals with an innate desire/need for hierarchy. Read more. )
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